Hand Off Your Pain to Death Bear

This has absolutely nothing to do with food, unless you live in Brooklyn and need to get rid of your ex's stockpot*.

"We all have someone or something we would rather just forget. Things fall apart. Love hurts. Dreams die. But when you summon Death Bear to your door, you can rest assured that help has come.

At first you may be intimidated by his stature and color (7 feet tall with a hard, black bear head, black jumpsuit, and black boots), but absorbing the memories of others is a dark art, and Death Bear must present himself appropriately for this solemn duty.

Death Bear will take things from you that trigger painful memories and stow them away in his cave where they will remain forever allowing you to move on with your life.

Give him an ex's clothes, old photos, mementos, letters, etc. Death Bear is here to assist you in your time of tragedy, heartbreak, and loss. Let Death Bear help you, and absorb your pain into his cave.

Saturday, November 21st, 2009
and Sunday, November 22nd, 2009
Serving all Brooklyn only
Text 347-742-2293 for an appointment

Death Bear is a member of Club Animals, a pop-performance art group in New York City founded in 2008. We are best known for the Free Bouncy Rides, Candy Crack Delivery Service, and Bunny Butterfly Kisses."

Dear readers, do treat yourself to a visit to the Club Animals blog, from whence this bit is reposted. Thanks for the tip, Tonya Glanz (whose new 2-min video, Bad A*s Mama, is a better-than-SNL-digital-short weekend treat! She's the one with the blonde bob and the stink eye)!

OK, off to the all-local farmer's market to get at some of Robbie + Eric McClam's awesome new City Roots urban farm produce before it sells out like always!

Your food nerd friend who is also a conceptual art nerd,
*Actually, my cousin O. is looking for a giant stockpot, if anyone is tired of their crab boil pot taking up space in the garage. I'd tell you why, but you'd probably just get grossed out**.

**Wait, it's not my job to spare you the details. You like details. That's why we're here together on the intarwebs today. He's going to boil some deer skulls. He shot them with his bow and arrow on a family friend's forest land, part of deer population control down here in South Carolina. I'm no hunter and yes the tiny little proto-vegan fairy in me cries for Bambi, but I have to say, hunting with a bow + arrow in these gun-crazy modern times is pretty bada*s.

***Like, 2+ weeks on this Roxanne diet (you know, the 120-day macro/sugar-free/dairy-free/gluten-free/organic/lotsa vitamins and teas and stuff detox thing), and all is well.

For breakfast today I had quinoa spaghetti with kale, onions, and a pistachio-basil pesto**** I made from our garden and froze last month. Dang! I have a crush on my breakfast! That quinoa spaghetti is seriously better than regular spaghetti. Ancient Harvest brand quinoa "Pasta" is what to look for at the health nerd store.

Don't get the Ancient Harvest "Spaghetti" though! Because it has wheat in it. I hate whole wheat pasta. Grainy and disgusting. (Also glutinous and therefore verboten.) Why they have that branding problem I don't know. Hey Ancient Harvest! Your branding is weird! But your quinoa-corn "Pasta" is SO GOOD!

****I know! I am cheating! Parmesan cheese is not dairy-free. But it's my first dairy cheat in 2+ weeks since starting this new eating strategy, and I put arame seaweed in it and sprinkled gomasio on top to "make up for it."

So there.


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